I believe in forgiveness — for our own healing.
But forgiveness is often not possible, nor effective, until the truth of the event needing forgiveness has been expressed and responsibility claimed and apologies expressed. Often, of course, the recipient of the abuse never gets the abuser to take responsibility, and few get an apology (which, realistically, is seldom enough to ease the pain).
Whether through a phone call, or message, or in person — or simply through journaling — one should express their anger and pain fully. And it is certainly not inappropriate to demand responsibility be taken for the abuse and, at the least, an apology offered.
Whether the abuser responds, or not, is not the most important factor; it is paramount that we honor our experience — and ourself — enough to express our feelings.
Though the feelings are understandable, vengeance in whatever form is never the correct response, as it will only put out a dark energy that will come back upon the person exacting the revenge. I do believe in ‘telling your story’ and being heard. I believe it is the first step to healing.
If we can somehow move on, or rise above the event, wonderful. But if we can’t, trying to do so because it’s somehow “spiritual” or enlightened to do so, doesn’t honor the event. It doesn’t honor our pain. Our experience. It says our anger is not worthy.
It’s not valuable to wallow in anger or victimization, because there are no accidents in the universe, and all relationships are karmic in nature, in that like-energy attracts like-energy. It is important to honor our life and our feelings.
Once we have expressed ourself fully, in whichever way possible — short of attack — then we can try to sever the energy link between ourself and the abuser. As long as we’re angry with the abuser, we are still bound to the abuser, even if we are at opposite ends of the planet. And quite truly, the abuser is still abusing us. It becomes an energetic ‘closed-loop’ repeating the emotional cycle over and over and over.
If we do sever this link, the abuser is left with a dark energy that can only return to them, as all energy seeks completion. The most powerful way to sever this link, is to send them Light. They will need it.
Before we attempt any contact or link severance, call in all our angels and guides and Higher Self — and the abuser’s as well. Make it clear that we understand that we are a spiritual adult and accept responsibility for whatever part, no matter how small, we may have played in the event (again, like-energy attracts like-energy, whether consciously or unconsciously).
Then make it clear that this action is about our healing, (and ultimately the abuser’s). Make it clear that this is not about revenge, but about honoring ourself and our experience. Then ask for their help to sever the energy connection between ourself and the offending person.
All events in this ‘classroom’ called Earth are to bring us to a place of consciousness. Once consciousness has taken place, the event is no longer needed. Claiming our anger and then our healing is being conscious.
And as the past and future exist simultaneously, we can change also the past by changing the present. And we change the present by taking responsibility for the entirety of our experience, ‘good’ and ‘bad’.
If we cannot make personal contact, we can envision the abuser in a meditative state, in a sacred space of our creation (after first surrounding ourself with Light and love) and express ourself fully in the vision: our anger, our hurt, our experience. We can ‘force’ (I use the word reluctantly) the abuser to listen to us. We can even ‘force’ them to accept responsibility and apologize — being careful not to exact ‘energetic’ revenge — This is NOT wish-fulfillment. This is working with real energy and real power and it will have real consequences.
Then with help from our guides and angels, we can sever our energetic connection (literally envision a beam of light or an electric blue sword cutting all threads or cords or chains binding the two of us).
Once we are able to do this fully — and we may have to repeat this meditation many, many times — we’ll know the link has been broken because the abuser no longer exists for us — literally — and we will have no emotional response when we think of them.
None of this is easy. Healing never is. But that’s the level of spiritual adulthood that is asked of us now.
Perhaps some of this is helpful. We are all equally wise and powerful and we’ll know individually what is right for us.
In any case, know we are loved. And that we are not alone. Ask and we shall receive.