Since the past and the future exit right now, then what happened to us five minutes ago, yesterday or ten years ago is now also 13.8 billion years old. Why hold a grudge or be angry or seek punishment for something that happen 13.8 billion years ago? There is only the Holy Instant. The Now. Let everything else go. Peace.
Healing, by its nature, is always a miraculous thing to witness. Even more so when the method of that healing comes from the seemingly simple act of telling a story.
In this case, I was spending most of one summer a few years back just sitting on the back patio and reading. A next door neighbor was a woman who I hadn’t really met, but judged to be about 60 or 70 years old. She used a walker and seemed to be in pain most every day. She carried the weight of the world on her shoulders and on her face and in her eyes.
One day we began talking about nothing in particular, and that led to her eventually joining me on the patio to just talk over a period of several days. To be honest, I wasn’t all that interested in what she was talking about, but I didn’t say anything.
What I didn’t know was that she was talking about a life filled with Catholic guilt and shame. Since I shared neither of these issues (not being religious), I had no judgment about what she was saying. Her life seemed perfectly fine to me.
But she continued talking, hesitantly at first, then more and more openly, when she realized she wasn’t going to be shut down by someone else’s judgments, as she had been all her life.
More and more came out. I became more and more interested and listened more and more intently, but always with no judgment or criticism; no reinforcement of her guilt and shame.
She began to cry, sobbing tears, wracked with emotions.
And the storm passed.
And then the miracle: The next day she was without her walker. She looked her real age of 49. The wrinkles on her face had vanished and light sparkled in her eyes. She threw away her medications.
She had been healed.
By simply being allowed to tell her story without it being judged as good or bad. By simply being listened to, without trying to be solved. By simply being present for another person.
It is the power of the silent witness.
And it says you’re perfect and always have been. That your life is an honorable one, regardless of what you feel guilty about, or are ashamed of.
It says that your life — all our lives — are a master work of art — the dark and the light.
That there is really nothing to be healed.
It is fairly obvious to most by now that the current state of the planet and our various cultures is the end result of a millennium-old battle between the masculine and the feminine energies, a battle that was probably inevitable, but which should never have been waged in the first place. And it began in full force when the masculine/power-based religions took over the goddess/earth-based spiritual practices.
Though I also firmly believe that, left unchecked and unbalanced, those very same goddess energies that we now think on with such romance would have become just as unbalanced and power-based and destructive as the masculine energies. The feminine is not inherently better or more healthy or more spiritual than the masculine. Each must integrate with the other.
The good news is that, after the bloodbath of history, and the recent battle of the sexes, this integration is beginning to occur. Women are beginning to turn from the historically necessary evolution of (often angry — and justifiably so) feminism to the transcendent energy of the goddess. It is the goddess energy which transcends politics and culture and history (and the victimization needs within each) — and even power — to become all of it — and none of it. It simply IS.
The male is beginning to reclaim the true nature of the masculine, which fully embraces the feminine within, and knows that true power — divine power — is found in the play of the yin and the yang. That godhood energy isn’t about dominance, but completion and freedom. It is not about power over others, but power through others and with others. It understands that destruction is not an end in itself, but a process of creation. And it knows that it can accomplish none of its goals without the equal partnership of the feminine.
For too long now — since perhaps the beginning of this earth experience — sex has been — for the most part — an act that happens outside of spiritual practice. Aside from the ancient knowledge of tantra and sexual alchemy, sex is about the bedroom, but not also about the alter.
I have often found it curious that we spend so much time in yoga and meditation and prayer with the intent to stimulate our higher selves and to energize our connection to the Divine, and yet we don’t include the primal life force energy of sex into those practices. Perhaps even the most “enlightened” of us still think of sexual energy as something to be risen above; that sexual energy is no doubt pleasurable, but ultimately a little too human and more than a little tawdry.
Do some spiritual folks have issues with sexual energy because the sex organs and chakras are ‘lower’ on the body and therefore not ‘higher’ centers? Is it because they are closer to our organs of elimination, and therefore “dirty?”
Of course, there is no ‘up’ or ‘down’, ‘higher’ or ‘lower’ in the multidimensional universe. It all IS.
And god no! You can’t include self-pleasuring or masturbation or sexual touch in the midst of a daily spiritual practice —just think what Jesus would do?!?! (First of all, Jesus or Yeshua or whomever you connect with couldn’t care less about what you do in your spiritual practice — short of hurting yourself or someone else. And secondly, everyone on the other side of the veil would breathe an enormous sigh of relief if we would once and for all get over our childish hang-ups about God-given sexual pleasure.)
(And now comes the point where again I have to state that I am only talking about the individual or couple or group experience of sexual energy through informed mutual consent.)
And we should also get over our hang-ups about pornography (though I prefer the word erotica; pornography feels like a male-created word and an angry-female exploited word used to continue to keep sexual pleasure and power out of everyone’s hands).
And there are women who enjoy pornography, just as there are men who don’t. (There’s an old biology adage that it only takes one white crow to disprove the “fact” that all crows are black.)
And we must also come to terms with the truth that erotica/pornography — like everything else on the planet — has its dark side and its light side. Not all women are victims of it. Not all pornography is created by men. Not all pornographic performers were abused as children.
A pornographic performer can be just as much of a healer as any shaman: they can help us to open to our true, often-hidden sexual natures. Perhaps in another life a current pornographic performer or artist was deeply repressed or ashamed of their sexual natures. Perhaps in this lifetime they chose to come back to fully embrace their sexual natures and share that power with all of us.
As Yeshua says — and absolutely means —do not judge others. We do not know their path. We have not walked in their shoes.
We are born through the sex act. The universe was created out of energetic orgasm. The primary force that gives life to our existence is the sexual energy. The simple fact that it feels so damn good should be a clue that we should be experiencing more or it.
Of course, our western, and puritanical culture in particular, resists anything that feels good. Feeling good all the time is irresponsible and probably “sinful.” In a very twisted logic, pleasure all the time isn’t good for you and is bad for the American family and therefore the world.
Bullshit. And hogwash (see the blog about language). This idea is yet one more legacy of the unbalanced influence of the distorted masculine energy designed solely to keep the human spirit disempowered, while keeping certain males — and masculine women — very much in power.
We celebrate violence in our cultures, but hide sexuality away — unless it is to sell something, and then sex is presented only as adolescent and snickering.
In order to balance the male and female on the planet and in our cultures, we must first balance it in ourselves. We must get over any and all feelings of guilt and shame and embarrassment over sex. We must learn to approach sexual energy as equally important as every other energy in our lives and in our spiritual practices.
Stimulating and circulating sexual energy through the physical and energetic body should be a daily practice. Bringing joy to the body should be a daily practice. It not only simply feels good, but it energizes every healing aspect of the physical and energetic body.
(How to circulate sexual energy? Place the tip of the tongue against the top of the mouth and inhale down the front of the body and exhale up the spine. At the moment of sending the energy up the spine, you might clinch the PC muscles near the perineum. You can also inhale up the spine and exhale down the front; whatever feels most comfortable to you. Make sure you ground yourself. And when you’re done, take a few moments and direct the energy to the area just below your navel for storage. Finally, rub yourself all over, spreading out the remaining energy, and watch how your complexion, general health and spirit improves.)
Of course, like any spiritual practice, sexual energy must be respected and understood and honored and protected. It must never be used to attack, whether in real life or in the imagination (excepting absolutely the importance of mutual consent role playing and game playing). Like everything else, intent is everything.
Always ground your sexual energy to Mother Earth and Father Sky. Always fill it with Light and Love and Joy. Always share it with the world as a joyful, playful, powerful healing force.
Study tantra and kundalini and the kama sutra (I also encourage reading the works of David Deida). Go to the sex store, or online, and buy sex toys. Play with masturbation. Find out where your limitations are and ask yourself why they’re there. Ask for guidance. Call in the energies of the goddess and the gods.
But for god’s sake, don’t make it a spiritual chore. Sex was a gift we gave to ourselves long before we incarnated on the planet. It was an extraordinary gift of fun and play and joy and pleasure that we gave to ourselves — and each other — to be experienced at any time.
All the time.
Finally, after freeing oneself from sexual fear and dogma, use that new freedom to release all attachment, even to sex and the body.
Because ultimately sex is a poor substitution for Divine Union.
Remember, sex is something that not even the angels and archangels can experience.
But we can.
Now let’s all go out and play.
There is a gateway within each of, a miraculous door through which can pass to us health and self-healing, unconditional love, non-judgment, joy and bliss. A door through which we can pass at any moment of our day into a place of non-judgment, unconditional love, health and self-healing, joy and bliss. This door is always open, we have only to turn towards it. That door is meditation.
What exactly is meditation? What it is not is relaxation, although relaxation is one of the results of meditating. It is not prayer, although once in a meditative state prayer becomes much more powerful and effective. Prayer is asking, meditating is listening. Listening to what? To your conscience, your higher self, the universe. Each of which have a tough time getting through to us because of the continual ‘static’ and ‘noise’ of our lives and our thoughts.
The object is to move beyond our thoughts, between our thoughts, and thinking process into a state of non-judgmental awareness — into true beingness, where we find ourselves existing absolutely in the present moment.
This occurs when our breath becomes calm and focused, when the sensations of the body begin to melt away and when the left and right hemispheres of the brain move closer into synchronization. And then the gateway opens into the Divine realm where our health is perfect, love unconditional and fear nonexistent.
The medical and emotional benefits of meditating have been proven beyond a doubt time and again. It was recently discovered than meditating for fifteen minutes, once a day, for just fourteen days was enough to change the entire brain structure and its weight and mass, building-up those portions of the brain for well-being and healing, peace and calm, and shrinking those portions focused on fear and stress and anger.
Remember, meditating is not about relaxing, so once you start, if you find yourself nodding off, then stop and get some rest. You need to be alert.
Thoughts and ‘noise’ will creep into your meditation, it happens with everyone. Don’t fight these random thoughts, that only makes them stronger. Let them pass through your mind like clouds on a summer day. Acknowledge them and let them move on. They will. Don’t judge them as interruptions and in a negative way. Let them be what they are: passing thoughts.
If unexpected noises occur while you’re meditating, treat them the same way. In a way that is often difficult to understand, everything is perfect, including unexpected interruptions. An added gift of meditating will be to calm our judging, analytical mind.
For the same reason, you probably shouldn’t meditate while lying down. If you are currently confined to bed, then try to keep your pillows propped up, or have someone guide you through the meditation. You also need to try and keep the spine straight to allow an open channel of energy flow. If you are in a chair, keep your feet flat on the floor. But always make sure you feel comfortable; if meditating doesn’t feel good physically, you won’t want to continue.
Dress comfortably and warmly.
Make the practice of meditating something special in your life, even sacred; you will have a more powerful experience. If you can, create a special place to meditate which is only for that purpose and away from where you find frustrations in your life. Turn off the phone and hide the ticking clocks.
Prepare to not be disturbed for at least fifteen minutes. You can work your way up to a half hour later. If you only get three minutes in the meditation that you feel ‘connected’ — that’s a lot! Give yourself this gift. We have twenty-three and three quarter hours in the day to be tense and nervous; surely we can find ten or fifteen or twenty minutes for our own physical and spiritual healing?
If there is a perfect time to meditate, it would be at sunrise, facing east. Any time in the morning is good, but before you have breakfast. You never want to meditate within an hour of eating as the digestion process will disturb the mind. Some like to meditate around five o’clock, or near sunset. Some just before bed, though for some, that can actually keep them from falling asleep. You can meditate anytime, anywhere. A goal of meditating is to be able to shut off the world on a moment’s notice, in the middle of a crowded room.
Another way to begin the practice is to first balance your breathing. With your eyes closed, take the thumb of your right hand and close off your right nostril, exhale through your left nostril, then inhale through the same nostril. With your index finger of your same hand, now pinch off the left nostril and exhale through the right nostril, then inhale through the right nostril and pinch it off with your thumb. Repeat for five minutes, breathing deeply and gently as you try and follow your breath, listening to it, visualizing it flowing in and out of you. Enjoy it.
Another method to begin your practice, and which is very helpful if you find your thoughts constantly interrupting your meditation, is to fully engage all your senses. In effect, you’re entering the meditative state through the back door.
Listen for everything you can hear; listen for the sounds within the sounds; the truck outside, its engine, its wheels moving against the pavement, are there four wheels or eight?; listen to the lawn mover, the conversation next door; listen to your breathing; to the ringing in your ears; everything. Then feel the clothes against your skin, the carpet under your feet, the bones and muscles, and the blood moving through you; feel your skin and hair and teeth; feel air blowing over your skin; feel heat rising off you; feel the unconscious vibration of sub-atomic elements moving through you. Smell the air and taste your mouth. ‘See’ with your eyes closed, the colors, the patterns — the universe (your optic nerve can actually register the flow of individual atomic photons).
Another technique is to simply follow your breathing. Counting your breaths is a way of engaging your logical mind while freeing your subconscious. Try to match your breathing with your pulse beats and count until you reach a full breath. Five to seven beats is average. Hold your breath for half that number. Exhale to the same pulse beats. Hold your breath out for half that number. Repeat. This is actually the natural way to breathe, the way we were born to breathe. As it is, we only use about 30% of our lung capacity. This helps make the blood alkaline. And disease cannot grow in the presence of a full oxygen content in an alkaline environment.
Another method to focus the mind is to say to yourself silently: “I am aware that I am breathing in (or inhaling)’ and then count the number ’27”. Then: “I am aware that I am breathing out (or exhaling). 26”. Continue counting down until you reach “0”. If you lose your place, begin again.
Another option is to inhale through the nostrils to a full breath, hold the breath for the same amount of time, exhale through the mouth for the same amount, and hold the breath out for the same amount. Continue for a cycle of 12 breaths. This balances the physical, energetic, emotional and mental bodies.
You can repeat your name as a mantra, a mantra being any word or phrase which is repeated over and over, silently or vocally. Repeat any word or phrase which has meaning to you such as “I am at peace” or “Love. Truth. Joy.” or “I am One” or “I desire money (success, love, etc.)”. Again, repeating a mantra engages the logical brain.
It can be very effective to stare at a symbol or picture while speaking a mantra, this works to balance the left and right hemispheres of the brain.
Another idea is to say — vocally or silently — on an inhalation the word “I” and exhale the word “AM”; repeat.
A very powerful method is to intone the mantra of “O-m” or “A-u-m” The vibrational tone of the word “Om”, in ancient belief, is considered to be the first sound of creation, the first ‘breath’, if you will, of the Divine.
To use the “A-U-M” version, think of the “A” as the sound of the inbreath, continue that sound as you begin to exhale, then gently make the “U” sound, which gradually becomes the “M” sound at the end of the exhalation. Begin with the “A” again and repeat.
Try using the inexpensive, foam ear plugs you can buy at any pharmacy. They help you move into your inner silence and focus on your breath, your heartbeat, your very essence.
These are just a few suggestions. Use them as a springboard to create your own and you will have a much more enjoyable experience.
Try to meditate at least once a day.
It will change your life.
Affirmations can be an important part of a meditative practice. You can use them as a mantra during meditation, or throughout the day as a substitution whenever less-than-positive thoughts come up. The more you substitute an affirmation for a negative thought, the more you will find the affirmation taking over and the negative thoughts dwindling. You will find yourself living your affirmation.
In as little as 7 to 14 days of repeating an affirmation you can literally reprogram the neural networks of the brain. But you have to speak or think an affirmation at least 300 times a day until the new belief replaces the old belief. That new belief in turn changes the magnetic field of your body drawing toward you more of the same.
I am in the universe, the universe is in me.
I am Spirit; I am not of the body, not of the ego.
I am a sensual extension of a sensual universe; the Divine is in a flower; is in me; is in everything.
All relationships mirror my personal growth – good and ill; I will learn from them.
I release all psychological, environmental and spiritual toxins.
I no longer need approval, which is a fear based need.
I acknowledge my dark side and release it.
I shall not judge and criticize.
I replace fear with love.
I live in the NOW; I am life centered.
There is no past, no future, only this present moment where the Divine dwells.
I celebrate the uncertainty, which is where all possibilities lie.
I am a being of Light and Love.
Miracles happen wherever I go.
All that I need comes easily to me.
Love comes to me easily and effortlessly and I accept it now.
My health and body are perfect and I am stronger every day.
I am now employed in the perfect work for me.
Abundance comes to me effortlessly and I am grateful for it and I deserve it.
Why is the American public so unenthusiastic about bombing Syria? Certainly the case for war is weak and hypocritical both in its pretext and in its imagined goals. But that was no less true of the Iraq War, which was easily foisted upon a credulous public – a “slam dunk,” as CIA director George Tenet put it. This time, despite a weeklong media blitz (administration insiders call it “flooding the zone”), a majority of the American public still oppose bombing Syria. For the most part, it isn’t because they are explicitly aware of the weakness of the case for war. They haven’t necessarily asked themselves, “Why would Assad use poison gas when he had virtually won the war already?” A week or two ago, when only 12% of Americans supported bombing, most had a very vague idea of anything but the one-line narrative: Bashar al-Assad used poison gas on civilians and needs to be punished. Yet still they opposed it. Why?
One common explanation in the media is that Americans are “war-weary.” In former times, that term meant that people were weary of the danger, privation, and uncertainty that come with war. Most Americans today are (seemingly) quite well-insulated from war’s direct consequences; if war-weary, then, it must be for some other reason. It is the people in Syria (and Yemen, Iraq, Afghanistan…) who are understandably weary of war. Yet the phrase seems apt for Americans too. What is this weariness that talk of yet another bombing campaign evokes?
Perhaps what we are weary of is the whole concept of war, the mindset of war, and the worldview underlying the waging of war.
We are weary of having our panic buttons pressed. We are weary of being maneuvered into seeing some people as evil Others. We are weary of hating. We are weary of punishing. We are weary of living in a fortress, Fortress America. The narratives that are meant to evoke responses of hatred, punishment, and fortressing are no longer working. The narrative of a global struggle between Communism and Freedom, though it never could bear deep scrutiny, nonetheless was effective in rallying the public to war mentality. The specter of Terrorism was less compelling, not only because it was flimsier in its factual construction, but also because the metanarrative of us-versus-them was becoming obsolete. Symptomatically, the patriotic fervor of the Iraq War era was much shallower, if no less loud, than that of the WWII and Cold War generations, which held a deep and nearly universal conviction of America’s legitimacy as a crusader for good.
The end of the Washington Consensus, which accords hegemonic power to the United States, coincides with the end of the dominator mentality more generally. For centuries it has been the goal of Western civilization to make the world ours: to tame the wild, to transcend the limits of nature, to exterminate evil, to control every variable, to civilize the heathen, to eliminate the germs, to become, as Descartes put it, the lords and possessors of nature. From within this program, the power to change the world comes through the harnessing of force, and goodness, order, security, health, and progress come through control. Yet today in every domain, from the geopolitical to the ecological, we are witnessing the failure of control.
We are experiencing today the emergence on a mass scale of ecological consciousness. No longer is the world an arena of struggle from which man emerges triumphant. We now see that the defeat of any species is the defeat of all; that the paving over of one habitat deadens something in all of us. The ecological crisis is teaching us that the good life does not come through winning the war against the Other.
Translating this awareness into geopolitics, we become less prone to believe that the solution to the problem is to overthrow the bad guy. That, or some lesser version of it – to intimidate, warn, punish, deter, draw a “red line,” etc. – is a perception of a world populated by separate and competing Others. And we are weary of that. We are awakening to the reality that “bad guys” are created by their context, and that that context includes ourselves.
Most people will not look into the complexities of Syrian society, colonial history, neoliberal economic policies, or petroleum and natural gas politics to understand the reasons for the violence there, but they intuitively understand that it isn’t so simple as another evil bogeyman who must be taken down to keep us safe. The narrative, “Assad is a monster who must be punished, to stop him and deter other potential monsters,” is strangely uncompelling. Why? Is it because Assad has not enacted brutal policies? No, he certainly has. Is it because the public realizes that these are no more brutal than those of many US-supported regimes? No: aside from leftists, the public has no clue. The bad-guy narrative is failing for a much deeper reason, that is untouched by the details of who perpetrated the recent gas attack. It is failing because we are graduating from the worldview that says evil originates in evil people, as our intuitions increasingly encompass the realization of the connectedness of all things.
As we step into the perception of interconnection, we come to know that as we do to other people and the world, so we do to ourselves. We come to know that every person we encounter and every relationship we have mirrors something within. We see the fallacy of judgmentality and blame. We see that violence begets violence, bombing begets blowback, pesticides breed superweeds, antibiotics breed superbugs, prisons breed crime, crackdowns breed radicalism, and, as mounting military suicides show, killing breeds suicide. Killing doesn’t come naturally to anyone who sees the world as interconnected.
From that perspective, bombing rarely makes sense. I’m not saying there is never a time to fight; just that we are reenacting a tired old habit of fighting reflexively, even in situations where fighting is inappropriate (which is most situations). There are other ways of solving problems.
Lest I be accused of being impractical, let me offer a modest suggestion to bring peace to Syria. Instead of bombs, what if we sent five thousand brave volunteers (perhaps soldiers – they are supposed to be brave) to Syria, wearing special uniforms, unarmed except with video cameras, as “witnesses for peace”? Or perhaps five thousand emissaries from world peace religions, or just ordinary citizens, young people maybe. The message would be along the lines of, “Syria is at the brink of peace, and we the world will help by bearing witness to the restraint, forgiveness, and negotiation that must happen for peace to break out.” I don’t know about you, but I always find it easier to do the right thing when I know someone is watching.
OK, so maybe this proposal isn’t so modest: actually it would be such a radical departure from today’s entrenched militarism as to require nothing short of a political miracle. Its potency would come from the shocking reversal of course it implies as well as from its practical effects on the ground. Since it would be idle fantasy to hope that our leaders spontaneously undergo the requisite change of heart, let me make a second proposal as a way to change the climate of elite decision-making and strengthen the emerging field of peace, a proposal you and I can implement right now at the grass roots. It is inspired by the love messages that spread virally between Israel and Iran a few years ago. “Iranians: we love you.” “Israelis: We love you.” “Israeli friends, we don’t want war. Love and Peace,” all accompanied by photographs of the well-wishers. While no one can prove that these messages influenced the calculations of the policy-makers, we must acknowledge the fact that no war occurred.
Here is my message: “One earth, one people. Syrians we love you. No bombs.” My inner cynic felt awkward taking this photograph. Its voice told me, “This kind of mushy sentimentalism is a distraction from practical political action to pressure the authorities. You are being foolish,” it said, “standing there with a sign.” The cynic might also say it is hypocritical to wish them peace while my own government and the global economic and geopolitical system relentlessly sow discord. Shouldn’t I be doing something about that?
What the cynic doesn’t understand is that building a field of love does do something about that. It makes it much more difficult to whip up war hysteria in the public.
It might even make it more difficult for the political elites to whip up war hysteria in themselves. We must be careful not to demonize them, as so many left-wing critics tend to do. By making him into a nearly incomprehensibly hypocritical, wicked, and ignorant Other, they do the same to Obama as his administration does to Assad. But he like any of us is called by the consciousness of interconnectedness. There is a deep part of him that doesn’t want to drop the bombs either, that is repelled and anguished by the very idea of it. Appeals like this one by Dieter Duhm appeal to this higher aspect of the man. However, locked tightly within a logic, a narrative, and a system that silences that humaneness, he can only act from it with the help of a strong surrounding field. That is what we must build. The cynic’s tactic of “pressuring the authorities” does not do that, but only strengthens the field of othering. We must raise up a mighty field of love. One earth, one people.
In the transition from the mentality of the evil Other to the mentality of interconnectedness, we all face, from time to time, moments of doubtful hesitation: “Is it OK to trust? Is it OK to relax control? What if the Other doesn’t respond in kind? What if he just takes advantage of our ‘weakness’ (our trust)?” For warring factions with, in some cases, generations-long grudges, to take that step requires huge courage. For our own leaders it takes a bit of courage as well. What if they are called soft? What if Assad truly is a monster and he takes our declining to bomb him as license to commit horrors? What if he doesn’t want peace but only, like a James Bond villain, to dominate and destroy? What will happen to the United States if we can’t build a gas pipeline through Syria controlled by U.S. interests?
If I listen to my heart, will I be OK?
What makes it easier to trust is when I catch a glimpse of the humanity of the other – when I see that this person is another self; in some sense, another me. The Internet makes it possible like never before to bypass the propaganda and see people in faraway lands as human. Elaborate though our denial mechanisms may be, it is becoming harder and harder to escape the truth that bombing victims are real people and not collateral damage.
Beyond that, what is really bringing us together is the ecological crisis, which is making it impossible to pretend any longer that we are not all in this together. Facing the loss of all that is beautiful and alive on Earth, we are growing impatient – or might I say weary – of the petty contentions, the “American interests,” the race to see who will be the top rat on a sinking ship.
Here we are, all together on a planet where the ecological basis of life is unraveling. And we are still bombing each other? That is insane. It is time to grow up.